Kazaxia

17 November 2017

Eager young members of the presidential Nur Otan party have leapt into action across Kazakhstan to create “Let’s Drink Beer on the Streets!” groups to emulate their leader. Young people can be seen in towns and cities across Kazakhstan draped in the party and national flags gathering in groups to quaff cans of Kazbrew, despite the plummeting winter temperatures.

Cheers from Almaty!

The groups were founded to honour President Nursultan Nazarbayev’s comments while meeting Russian President Vladimir Putin in Chelyabinsk on 9 November that he had done just that when he was studying and working there. “Our president was too modest over many years in keeping to himself this heroic act,” one local group member told Kazaxia. “Let’s honour our president and follow in his footsteps.” (Kazaxia notes that this young man’s footsteps were none too steady.)

“This instant response by Kazakhstan’s young people shows their determination to follow the inspirational leadership of their president,” a Nur Otan spokesperson told Kazaxia. “If only all our youth were dedicated to such fine patriotic ideals.”

Kazaxia can only drink to this.

Following the great success of President Nazarbayev’s Latinisation project,
the visionary Central Asian leader has taken another bold step to bring his
country closer to Europe: he has proposed the adoption nationwide of Central
European time. ‘This is a fundamental reaffirmation of our president’s
commitment to European values,’ his spokesperson told Kazaxia. ‘It is a
great leap forward – well actually backwards.’

Clocks in Astana are due to move 5 hours backwards on 1 January 2018, while
those in the west by the Caspian Sea will move 4 hours backwards.

Commentators in the pro-government media have hailed the initiative. ‘A
timely move’ was the headline in the English-language Steppe Times.

The well-known Central Asian expert, skilled election monitor and financial
advisor to many in the region, Lord Venal, was also admiring of the move.
‘This means when I come out of a nightclub in Astana on the arm of a
charming young lady, it will be only midnight! The night will be as young as
I am!’

13 October 2017

Seasoned election observer Lord Venal is heartbroken after Kyrgyzstan refused him entry to observe Sunday’s upcoming presidential poll.

In lieu of a photo of President Atambayev gardening we’ve found this pic of him in a very fetching bit of headgear

The Kyrgyz apparently refused entry to the good lord after he had queued for 16 hours on the border in Kazakhstan. They accused the Venal-controlled kazaxia website of a pro-Kazakhstan bias for not publishing any images of incumbent president Almazbek Atambayev honing his horticultural skills in its popular ‘Gardening Dictator’ series.

Kyrgyzstan’s presidential vote is wildly expected to be a two-horse race between Jenny Bekov and Baba Nova that may go to a second round in November.

The green-fingered soon to be ex-president has allegedly said that he will devote himself to gardening after he stands down.

6 October 2017

Welcome to kazaxia’s occasional book club series which will look at titles we think will be of interest to our readers. With the centenary of Russia’s October Revolution fast approaching, we’ve selected Catherine Merridale’s fascinating account of  Lenin’s journey back from exile to the heart of revolutionary Russia in the spring of 1917.

Delving deep into the archives, Merridale meticulously reconstructs Lenin’s journey in April 1917 from neutral Switzerland across the enemy territory of Germany into neutral Sweden and back into the Russian Empire via Finland, at that time an autonomous part of the empire.

Lenin arrived back to a Petrograd, now once again called St Petersburg, in the grip of revolution – the Czar had been deposed in February 1917, and this tale follows his odyssey from obscurity – at the time he was a relatively unknown revolutionary in Russia,  to heading the Bolshevik Revolution that seized control of the Russian Empire in the tumultuous events of October 1917.

Kazakhstan’s President Nazarbayev met his Russian counterpart Vlad Putin recently to discuss the latest developments in the Bayrock scandal on a recent edition of Gardening Dictators’ Question Time.

It is not clear whether Lord Venal featured in their discussions but he has seen fit to publish the following rather chilling communication from the legal firm representing the good Lord.  Kazaxia remains unsure why it is among the recipients, but hastens to publish it in full “for the avoidance of doubt”:

Statement re Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland

For the avoidance of doubt, Shilling and Pence reiterates that its client, Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland, had, has and intends to have no connection, whether business, social or otherwise, with Bayrock Group, Bayrock BV, KazBay BV or any associated companies. Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland similarly had, has and intends to have no connection with Mr V. Khrapunov, Mr I. Khrapunov, Mr F. Sater or any of their relatives or known associates.

Shilling and Pence wish to remind all that any statement, insinuation, implication or hint to the contrary will be pursued to the fullest possible legal extent through the courts under English law in London or in any appropriate jurisdiction anywhere.

Shilling and Pence, London EC4