10 July 2018
kazaxia is just back from a trip to the capital, Astana, which celebrated its 20th birthday last Friday, coincidentally the same day as President Nursultan Nazarbyev turned 78.
To mark this momentous occasion, the good burghers of Qazaqstan kindly sent presents to Astana such as a fish-shaped bridge and a botanical garden, while the city also received an international financial centre, soon to be located on the premises of EXPO 2017.
15 March 2018
On the momentous occasion of most of Central Asia’s leaders getting together in Astana for a chinwag, Lord Venal remembers the last time all Central Asia’s leaders gathered together on the Ides of March.
“I’ll never forget the look on Islam’s face when Saparmurat (aka Turkmenbashi) gave him that Turkmen hat,” he recalled with a tear in his eye for the only two Central Asian leaders to have died in office. “And of course, that was before Turkmenbashi started dyeing his hair.”
“It was back in 1992 in Uchkuduk, Uzbekistan” he recalled over a glass of merlot or two in an Astana wine cellar. “I remember that the meeting was held in a constructive manner, with many issues discussed and a joint statement was signed after the meeting.”
26 January 2018
It looks like Lord Venal’s lobbying is finally paying off as bigwigs in London have agreed to his ambitious scheme to bring Astana’s Death Star to the UK capital’s skyline.
Astana’s Nur Alem, aka The Death Star, which London wants to ape
London’s proposed riposte to Astana’s Death Star – the Golf Ball
10 January 2018
Lord Venal has expressed his distress at the abrupt cancellation by the presidential administration of his pioneering project of fly-on-the-wall observation of the workings of the administration and publication of a book. Akorda had gained wide recognition for its inspiring move to allow the populace a glimpse into the inner workings of the smooth machine that runs Kazakhstan so efficiently. However, critics claim Akorda’s abrupt abandonment of the project is fall-out from US President Donald Trump’s unhappy experiences over Michael Wolff’s controversial book “Fire and Fury”.
What might have been…
Lord Venal dismisses any such comparison with his ill-fated US colleague. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” the good Lord told Kazaxia, apparently close to tears. “I’m no Wolff in Ermine Clothing.” He said he had stepped in to pen the volume when his good friend, former jailbird Jonathan Aitken, had proved overburdened, being only half-way through his biography of the veteran inspirational president of Equatorial Guinea, Teodoro Obiang.
“I’ve had the privilege of attending Akorda only twice – and the cocktails and company were quite congenial,” Lord Venal noted. “I’m saddened that my latest project has ended like this.”
As Lord Venal was enjoying a New Year’s drink (well maybe one or two) in an Astana nightclub, a young man who knew his charming companion came over to talk. Learning that Lord Venal was from the UK and after a few more drinks, the young man recounted the fury in Akorda at the outrageous 27 December editorial in the Financial Times belittling Astana as a “vanity project”. He offered what he said was the original draft of a letter sent from Qazaqstan’s UK embassy, which was somewhat modified before publication.
Sir,
Your editorial “When a national capital becomes a vanity project” (December 27) asserts, with not a shred of evidence, that Astana, the great capital city of Qazaqstan, is a “vanity project … plastered with [the president’s] portrait”. This is sheer rubbish. What is vain about our great leader building a great capital worthy of our great nation and great leader?
The decision in 1997 to establish the new Qazaq capital in the central part of the country was a stroke of genius which no mere mortal could have devised. Today, more than 1m people live in the city, which is still growing fast and boasts the beautiful Nazarbayev University, Nazarbayev Airport and the Nazarbayev Fertility Clinic, to name a few of its awe-inspiring monuments.
The editorial speaks of the great capital being “plastered” with portraits of the great leader. This too is rubbish. The people have repeatedly demanded and themselves installed portraits as a sign of their undying affection for their president. These portraits are dignified and carefully installed in pride of place, not “plastered” carelessly here and there as your editorial implies by implication.
Such slanders are not something we expected of a once great financial newspaper in a once great country that used to help our well-connected citizens store their ill-gotten gains. We expect that within 24 hours you will have removed this editorial from your website, called back all issues of the printed paper to remove the offending text, will fire those “journalists” responsible and issue a public apology in your printed “newspaper” and on the home page of your website. Be assured that our lawyers are waiting.
Embassy of RQ in UK
1 December 2017
The cult of Nursultan Nazarbayev is alive and well in Qazaqstan as a main thoroughfare in Almaty is renamed after the septuagenarian leader in honour of his 26 years on the throne.
One of the main shrines of the Nazarbayev cult in Almaty, Kazakhstan
Long rumoured to be the target of a name change, the decision to rename Almaty’s Furmanov Street as Nazarbayev Street was taken on 30 November, on the eve of the public holiday First President’s Day.
President Nazarbayev gazes down on Nazarbayev Street, Almaty
It makes for a marvellous present to the people of the former capital and puts to rest rumours that the cult was beginning to lose momentum – it has been a few months since Astana airport was renamed Nursultan Nazarbayev International.
The capital, which may itself one day be renamed after the Leader of the Nation, also has Nazarbayev University with many of the university’s students having attended the nationwide chain of Nazarbayev Intellectual Schools – how long before we see Nazarbayev kindergartens, dating agencies, wedding palaces and fertility clinics, kazaxia wonders!
24 November 2017
Kazakhstan’s Foreign Minister Kairat Abdrakhmanov popped into London earlier this week to touch base with his UK counterpart Boris Johnson, inventor of the bicycle.
When Boris met Kairat…
The UK’s foreign secretary was upbeat about the growing trade links between Britain and oil rich Kazakhstan.
“Per capita, Qazaqstanis suck more Fisherman’s Friends than any other Central Asians,” Johnson gloated.
Marmite sales grew by a whopping 50% in Qazaqstan in 2016
Trade has been growing steadily between the two nations, with shortbread and Marmite leading the way – sales of the latter increased 50% in Kazakhstan last year, up from 10 jars in 2015 to 15 in 2016.
Astana is keen to make the most of the golden opportunity of Brexit that will see the UK crash out of the EU in just over a year.
“The future has never been brighter for trade with emerging giants such as Qazaqstan,” a spokesperson from the think tank Free United Kingdom in Transit (Fukit) told kazaxia.
11 September 2017
With Astana’s EXPO 2017 done and dusted, kazaxia is having a look at some of the hits and misses at Kazakhstan’s window to the world, which was on the theme of Future Energy.
Crowds heading to Nur-Alem aka the Death Star
Top prize, of course, goes to Kazakhstan’s pavilion Nur-Alem, unflatteringly dubbed the Death Star by Foreign Policy. This was the biggest draw of the event with crowds queuing for hours to check out the eight floors of interactive displays on the green energy theme.
Queueing to enter Nur-Alem at EXPO 2017
kazaxia’s particular favourite was the pedal-powered race which saw two teams face off to pedal as fast as they could and generate energy.
Pedal power face off in Nur-Alem
Special mention goes to Uzbekistan, which fully embraced the Future Energy concept with its Chevrolet (formerly Uz-Daewoo) Matiz adapted to run on a hydrogen-powered fuel cell.
Uzbekistan’s fuel-cell powered Matiz
Turkmenistan seemed more intent on pushing President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov’s books and the upcoming Asian indoor martial arts fest in Ashgabat.
A warm welcome to Turkmenistan’s pavilion
Georgia’s pavilion predictably focused on wine production, ignoring the Future Energy message, but the kazaxia special prize was reserved for Russia with its novel take on the theme – it proposed using nuclear-powered ice breakers to crash through the ice cap to get at the fossil fuel deposits lurking in the depths of the Arctic Ocean.
The EXPO circus now moves on to the UAE leaving Astana with the task of transforming the site into a regional financial centre. Nur-Alem will remain as a museum for the general public to keep riffing on the green energy vibe.
Following his visit to Kazakhstan’s glitzy capital Astana last week, Uzbek president Shavkat Mirziyoyev, Sheva to his mates, has decided that he wants a bling-bling capital for himself and has set his sights on moving Uzbekistan’s capital from Tashkent to Uchkuduk, in the centre of the country.
Uchkuduk: set to change from this… … to this?
Uzbekistan’s rubber stamp parliament is set to give its approval to the move in a special session called for today. Moving the capital is being seen as a further consolidation of Sheva’s power – he has certainly been ringing the changes since his predecessor, Islam ‘Butch’ Karimov, died last year.
Uchkuduk, founded in 1958 as a Soviet ‘secret city,’ is in an ideal location for the capital as it is in the dead centre of Uzbekistan. It is at the heart of gold and uranium mining in the country and can be reached, with some difficulty, from all the main towns and cities.
President Mirziyoyev first heard about Uchkuduk at young pioneers’ camp in the 1980s via Yalla’s smash hit ‘Uchkuduk’. The president craves a Trump Tower as a centrepiece of the ambitious new capital and is keen on getting Mr Trump’s money men in the Kremlin on the case when Sheva and his boys visit Moscow later this year. Russian PM, Jimmy Bear, always on the lookout for a canny investment, is sure to be one of the first in line with a sackful of freshly laundered cash.
Along with extreme snowy weather, the pantomime season has arrived early this year in Central Asia.
That veteran performer from Uzbekistan, GooGoosha, will recreate one of her most famous roles on the Tashkent stage – Sleeping Beauty. The audience will no doubt revel in shouting “Oh yes she is!” and “Oh no she isn’t!” as it ponders whether she is dead or merely sleeping.
There will be plenty of opportunities for shouts of “Behind you!” with a host of suspects lining up to surprise the slumbering princess – such as the ugly sisters (played by Security Service head Rustam Innoyatov and his sidekick, presidential hopeful Shavkat Mirziyoyev) and the real life figures of her estranged mother and her younger sister, Lola.
Across the border in Kazakhstan, there are plans for a revival of ‘Carry on Cleo‘, with the infamous line “Infamy, infamy. They’ve all got it in for me!” The past year has seen trouble on all sides for Astana with land protests metamorphosing into a coup plot led by a beer baron, and religious militants on the rampage in Aktobe, so it seems apt that this comedy classic will get a fresh lease of life.
Kazaxia 