Tag Archives: Zimbabwe

Qoqs’etay’: Shock Arrest of Deaf Pensioner

25 Nov

KNB agents arrested an 87-year-old man for launching wild celebrations this week in his home village near Kokshetau. The unnamed man – who is deaf in both ears – had hung banners from his balcony celebrating the ousting of the president and the dawn of democracy. He had then struggled to the local shop to buy vodka for celebrations.

Screen Shot 2017-11-25 at 18.15.24

Jubilation as President Mugabe steps down

“It’s time for all of us to celebrate the ousting of the dictator after so many decades!” the old man had shouted to bewildered fellow-shoppers, the saleswoman told local TV. “He was also muttering things like ‘the only president since independence’, ‘he locked up anyone who disagreed with him’ and ‘he idiotically even named a university after himself’.” The man then invited all his neighbours to the impromptu party.

“I don’t understand what’s happened,” the man’s elderly wife said, clearly distressed. “All I did was tell him that Zimbabwe’s veteran president Robert Mugabe had been forced to step down. I wasn’t sure he even understood me very well. He’s quite deaf.”

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Qazaqstan: Elbasi Gunning for Top 3 Spot

16 Nov

16 November 2017

Astana has been keeping a close eye on events in Zimbabwe with the Leader of the Nation set to become the world’s 4th longest serving leader if Robert Mugabe is forced out of office following Zimbabwe’s coup that was not a coup.

It’s been a momentous year for President Nursultan Nazarbayev, who has ruled independent Qazaqstan for coming on 26 years – in September he crept into the top 5 of longest serving (non-royal) world leaders when Angola’s José Eduardo dos Santos stepped down after 28 years in office.
If Mugabe goes, then Elbasi will be in fourth spot – behind only Iran’s Ali Khameni, 36 years in the top job, Equatorial Guinea’s Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo, 38 years at the helm and the current longest serving Head of State, Cameroon’s Paul Biya, who has been running the show in this central African country for more than 42 years.

Uzbekistan: Joy as Missing Pensioner Found

20 Feb

In line with Astana’s recent directive to independent media outlets to promote positive news, kazaxia is proud to be able some to offer some good news at long last – missing septuagenarian Islam Karimov has been located in Qarshi, Uzbekistan.

Was this missing pensioner at Mardi Gras in Brazil?

Karimov, or “Butch” to his friends, was tracked down after kazaxia released a silver alert earlier this week. He is said to be in good shape though confused as to how he ended up in this city, which is a long way from his home in Tashkent.

Butch plans to continue with his dream to be president of Uzbekistan in his 80s, emulating his hero Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe. Who knows, if Mugabe should step down, President Karimov could one day be the world’s oldest serving president.

 

 

Kazakhstan: In Praise of the First President

1 Dec

Lord Venal has seen fit to put pen to paper as Kazakhstan prepares to celebrate the Day of the First President on 1 December, the country’s newest public holiday.

President Nursultan Nazarbayev bestrides Kazakhstan like a colossus – his image beams down from billboards on nearly every street corner. The Park of the First President is a fixture of all major towns and cities. Every evening he tops the TV news agenda meeting with dignitaries, opening factories and winning EXPO 2017 bids.

The First President awaits visitors

The First President awaits visitors

Wildly loved by his adoring public – he won 96.5 % of the vote in the last election, The Leader of the Nation, as he is also known, has worked ceaselessly over the last twenty-two years as he has steered the good ship Kazakhstan through turbulent waters to leave the country becalmed in a sea of economic prosperity and political stagnation.

He is one of the world’s longest serving presidents – only a few presidents have kept the throne warmer for longer than the glorious leader – Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe, Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson and arch-rival Islam Karimov in Uzbekistan spring to mind.

Toys_4_NAN

The Nazarbayev University in his fairytale capital city, Astana, proudly carries his name as do a network of Nazarbayev Intellectual schools, which have mushroomed across Kazakhstan in recent years. The day cannot be far off when Nazarbayev kindergartens, fertility clinics and dating agencies will grace the provincial capitals.

I, along with my former cell mate, Jonathan Aitken, the famed hagiographer, who is in Astana to sing the praises of the First President yet again, would like to wish the Leader many happy returns on this the anniversary of the distant day back in 1991 when he won his first election along with the hearts of the Kazakh nation. Long may he reign – Kazakhstan’s very own Superkhan!