Tag Archives: Uzbekistan

SCO “politically unhealthy” film ban

10 Jun

With Tashkent making last minute preparations for the Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO) summit on 23-24 June, Lord Venal came across this enlightening memo from his recent trip to Tajikistan.

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Tashkent: Sprucing up the Palace of Forums for the SCO summit

Having caught his breath after the crammed programme of his referendum monitoring visit to Dushanbe (frankly the hosts’ generosity – particularly with alcohol – left some parts of the programme rather a blur), Lord Venal found he must have somewhere picked up another interesting document.

This appears to be a proposed secret ban on a number of foreign films, which the SCO considers promote a “politically unhealthy attitude to elected leaders”. The document – which asks that the six member governments back the ban and implement it with no publicity – lists the first batch of what are likely to be a growing list of films, together with a brief description. It calls on the films to be banned from showing in cinemas and on television and blocked on the internet.

Lord Venal remembers seeing several of these at the Rutland Odeon when they first came out in the 1970s, and points out, with some modesty, that he was often told that he bore a passing resemblance to Edward Fox in his youth.

“Films to be banned from presentation (as of 12.04.2016):

October (USSR, 1928) – glorifies the violent overthrow of an established government and turns rebels into heroes.

The Great Dictator (USA, 1940) – encourages unhealthy ridicule of elected leaders and slander over their character and leadership.

Day of the Jackal (UK/France, 1973) – unacceptable presentation of the idea that assassinating an elected head of state is feasible or desirable.

All the President’s Men (USA, 1976) – encourages a cynical attitude to politics and applauds the removal from office of an elected leader.

Primary Colors (US, 1998) – normalises the concept that the outcome of an election could be uncertain.

Downfall (Germany, 2004) – its presentation of the psychological breakdown and encouragement to suicide of an elected head of state promotes an unhealthy attitude to political leadership.

Valkyrie (USA/Germany, 2008) – normalises for viewers the unacceptable idea that organising a coup and removing elected political leaders could be honourable.

Leviathan (Russia, 2014) – depicts an elected politician in an unfavourable light, thus breeding unhealthy cynicism among viewers.”

 

Tico Tuk-Tuk

29 Jan

Lord Venal is constantly roaming the world in search of new business opportunities. On a recent visit to Sihanoukville, Cambodia, he finally found a use for his garage of Uz-Daewoo Ticos – some innovative Cambodians have taken the body of the Tico and fitted a raised platform to the back of the car creating the Tico tuk- tuk!

Lord Venal has amassed an extensive collection of secondhand Ticos over the years on his business trips and election monitoring visits to Uzbekistan. This symbol of automotive excellence is considered by many in the know to be the finest car ever to come out of Andijan, Central Asia’s Motor City. Now it can have a new lease of life as the perfect way to cool down on those balmy days of chilla while scooting around Tashkent.

Not to be outdone, Uz-Daewoo’s other famous comapct car, the Matiz, has also undergone  a tuk-tuk transformation at the hands of the Sihanoukville masters. But there was no sign of a Nexia tuk-tuk cruising the beachfront boulevard.

Uzbekistan: Missing Pensioner Spotted in Beijing

3 Sep

Uzbekistan’s most famous awol pensioner is up to his old tricks again. Earlier this week he disappeared from the secure unit he resides in in Tashkent, Uzbekistan after making a speech on Uzbekistan’s Independence Day, 1 September.

Nothing was heard of Mr Karimov until 3 September when he was spotted at an event in Beijing, China glorifying the Soviet Union’s great victory over Japan in 1945.

Missing pensioner found by old buddies in Beijing

The plucky Soviets declared war on Japan on 8 August 1945,  two days after the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and a day before the second was dropped on Nagasaki. The valiant Soviets managed to clear Imperial Japanese forces from mainland China in just over three weeks.

GooGoosha’s Gilded Cage

1 Apr

Gulnara Karimova, who has been under unofficial house arrest since March 2014 in Tashkent, is set to be moved to a gilded cage in the centre of the city as part of a deal brokered by Lord Venal on his recent visit to Uzbekistan’s capital.

Tashkent's Palace of International Forums - GooGoosha's new home?

Tashkent’s Palace of International Forums – GooGoosha’s new home?

Karimova, better known by her stage name of GooGoosha, is the eldest daughter of Uzbek pensioner Islam Karimov, Under the new deal she will be housed in the grandiose Palace of International Forums, which was built at the height of her power in the late 2000s. Since then she has had a spectacular fall from grace.

In her new surroundings, GooGoosha will be able to shop to her heart’s content in a private shopping mall in the palace’s basement – modelled on Barbara Streisand’s personal mall.

GooGoosha and Gerard in happier times

GooGoosha and Gerard in happier times

The complex will also include a medical centre for botox and other cosmetic surgery needs, along with a dedicated yoga ashram. A private nightclub will host holograms of her pals Sting and Gerard Depardieu for impromptu duets.

Residents of Tashkent are happy that a use has finally been found for the imposing white marble edifice, considered by many to be a white elephant.

Uzbekistan: Joy as Missing Pensioner Becomes President (again…)

30 Mar

There was unbridled joy in the mahallahs of Uzbekistan as the pensioner who went awol earlier this year swept to a landslide victory in the presidential poll on 29 March.

Lord Venal was in Tashkent to observe the proceedings and here are his findings.

The plucky voters of Uzbekistan braved chilly conditions to re-affirm their allegiance to the man who has run the country for the last quarter of a century. Support was down slightly for the septuagenarian leader at 90.39 % (he got 90.76% of the vote in 2007), but overall he remains the only show in town.

His backers took to twitter to take the wind out of the neigh-sayers’ sails:

The Uzbeks sure know how to organise a good election – we observers were wined and dined at every turn during our all too short visit. Election day began early with the traditional Osh Plov, platters of the national rice and meat dish served alongside three types of tea – green, black and white (or vodka to the uninitiated).

Then it was onto a new shopping centre in Tashkent’s old town to see pensioners picking up free loaves of bread and subsidised, rationed staples such as rice and cooking oil. In the run up to the election the president remembered his fellow senior citizens with this largesse. It reminded me of the food bank Lady Venal has set up for the poor of the parish back home.

After this strenuous morning, it was time for a lengthy lunch of more Uzbek delicacies and some cheeky wines from the chateaus of the Parkent Valley. I remember snippets of a fascinating conversation with the guys from the North Korean observer mission, but not enough to repeat here unfortunately.

After lunch we visited a polling station but alas there were no voters to be seen as the turnout at this station had hit the 100% mark by lunchtime. Time flew past and before we knew it, we were off for a farewell meal after a long day of observing.

Let’s just hope Kazakhstan can match the Uzbeks for hospitality when it chooses its president on 26 April.

 

Uzbekistan: Joy as Missing Pensioner Found

20 Feb

In line with Astana’s recent directive to independent media outlets to promote positive news, kazaxia is proud to be able some to offer some good news at long last – missing septuagenarian Islam Karimov has been located in Qarshi, Uzbekistan.

Was this missing pensioner at Mardi Gras in Brazil?

Karimov, or “Butch” to his friends, was tracked down after kazaxia released a silver alert earlier this week. He is said to be in good shape though confused as to how he ended up in this city, which is a long way from his home in Tashkent.

Butch plans to continue with his dream to be president of Uzbekistan in his 80s, emulating his hero Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe. Who knows, if Mugabe should step down, President Karimov could one day be the world’s oldest serving president.

 

 

Uzbekistan: Silver Alert

16 Feb

Concerns are growing in Tashkent, Uzbekistan for missing pensioner Islam Karimov. Some of his family members are worried about his whereabouts as he has not been seen in public since late January when he met new US ambassador to Uzbekistan Pamela Spratlen.

Image result for karimov

He was due to endorse his candidacy for Uzbekistan’s presidential election on 6 February but failed to show up for that appointment.

The septuagenarian presidential hopeful is known to his friends as ‘Butch’ for the role he played in overseeing the bloody massacre in Andijan, Uzbekistan in 2005. He is said to be short-tempered and prone to bouts of confusion.

Googoosha – How Dare!

17 Sep

Shocking photos of a haggard looking Gulnara Karimova grappling with a police officer have been leaked from Uzbekistan.

In the words of one of her famous songs in her guise of pop diva Googoosha, she seems to be saying ‘How Dare‘ to the cop.

Let’s hope she’s not giving her captors the ‘Round Run‘ in those nice slippers.

Karimova is the eldest daughter of President Islam Karimov. She has suffered a spectacular fall from grace spending the last seven months under house arrest in Tashkent, Uzbekistan’s capital.

Moscow: Eurasian Economic Union Name Dispute Rumbles on

8 May

More top-level meetings are taking place in Moscow as the Customs Union of Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan talk with other possible member states about the expanding Eurasian Economic Union project. The sides are believed to be trying to come up with an acronym for the regional grouping.

Kazakhstan is said to favour KRB while Belarus is said to be leaning towards BRK. Russia has proposed Armenia be fast-tracked into the fledgling economic union to bring a much-needed vowel to the possible acronyms. Kazaxia likes the sound of BARK, other observers are keen on KRAB.

This ‘A’ is a significant development as ‘U’ is currently off the agenda as it doesn’t look like Ukraine or Uzbekistan will be joining any time soon, and Azerbaijan won’t join anything that involves its arch rival Armenia.

Further complications could be on the horizon as Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan are possible contenders for membership. It is not clear where these letters would go. Syria is an outside bet for inclusion in this intercontinental economic club – an ‘S’ is always useful, as any scrabble player knows.

Uzbekistan: Googoosha Ensnared by Wizard of Uz

25 Mar

In a shocking new twist to the tale of Googoosha, Lord Venal has received a hand-written note smuggled out of Uzbekistan from the secret location where the fallen princess is being kept under alleged house arrest.

The note was written in lipstick on the back of a Sarbast beermat after the evil henchmen of a sinister and mysterious figure – referred to by Googoosha as the Wizard of Uz – confiscated all the pens and pencils from her gilded cage.

Googoosha claims that the Wicked Witch of West Tashkent, her mother Tatiana Karimova, has cast a spell that has cut off access to twitter in her prison.

In the note she calls on Lord Venal to help her find a yellow brick road away from this nightmare scenario, but with the net of corruption allegations closing around Googoosha in Europe, not even the good Lord and his contacts may be able to rescue this princess.