Lord Venal’s email box is constantly deluged with spam messages, but after receiving this unsolicited advert he was curious to know if any reader has tried this company’s services. As his father passed away not long ago and he was seeking a suitable monument for his (sadly rather neglected) Rutland estate, this seemed a gift from above (well, at least from the British Virgin Islands). But you can never be too careful. All advice on their suitability gratefully received.
Never forget what your Dad looks like….
Ever embarrassed at forgetting what your Dad really looked like? Need a reminder for the grandchildren of what a great bloke your late lamented Dad was? Now we have the ideal solution for you, available at competitive rates to suit any ruler’s pocket:
Arrange for one of our representatives to make a sympathetic visit, where you can discuss how you would like your esteemed late lamented parent to be represented. We offer a range of sizes, materials and styles to suit all tastes, from highly tasteful to extravagantly tacky. Choose a matching plinth to complete the package.
Once you have made your selection, we present a video image of the model statue for approval. We then manufacture the artwork using our skilled craftsmen in our own workshops, before careful transportation and installation of the finished product.
…NEW THIS MONTH… Buy 3, get 1 free!
“Despite their name this company actually did a very nice statue of my Mum” – Mr. Turkmenbashi, Turkmenistan
“I’ve used this company more times than my staff care to remember – I can never have too many statues of my Dad. They are so uncannily alike, they’re spooky” – Mr. H. Aliyev, Azerbaijan
“Hello Dad!” – Mr Aliyev kindly sent a picture from his family album of his visit to his favourite statue.
“The statues provided of our Eternal President were delivered on time and under budget” – Mr. Kim Jong-il, North Korea
“Well, we might just as well have gone back to the same company again” – Mr. Kim Jong-un, North Korea
By popular request, we have now launched an additional line – please go to our new dedicated website for more details:
Solving your location problems also…
Having trouble finding locations for all these statues of your beloved relative? Running out of suitable locations in your own properties? Not a problem! Our sister company can help. They will find parks in any number of beautiful cities of the world who will fall over themselves to offer a place of honour specially for YOUR Dad.
Our specialist consultant can run through the various packages available, ranging from a simple installation in a corner of an existing beautiful park, to the Golden Park Package. This premium package is not to be missed and includes:
– full renovation of a tired and run-down park into a beautiful shrine to your beloved relative
– bulldozing any unsightly nearby buildings which harm the aesthetic ambience
– renaming the entire new park in your ancestor’s honour
– a complete set of top-ranking political, artistic and religious leaders from the host city and nation to grace the opening ceremony
– recording of opening ceremony for prime television coverage on all local and international broadcast channels
– threatening and smearing any ungracious local who fails to see the benefits of honouring your ancestor in a beautiful, prime city location.