Qazaqstan Latyn A’lipbi’ine Qol Qoiydi

27 Oct

Qazahi’a’ is pleased to announce that after many minutes of public consultation, President Nazarbayev has decided in his wisdom that Qazaqstan’s Latin alphabet will look like this:

Screen Shot 2017-10-27 at 12.44.53

The idea behind the switch from Cyrillic to Latin for the Qazaq language was motivated by a desire to make modern technology more user-friendly for Qazaqs. The Cyrillic alphabet currently uses 42 characters, making it awkward to use on tech devices as it uses up all the keyboard including the space usually used for numbers.

The president’s solution is a slimmed-down 32 letter alphabet using ‘ to modify letters so, for instance, ‘ch’ (a sound imported from Russian) becomes ‘c” and ‘sh’ becomes ‘s”.

Here at Qazahi’a’  we’re not convinced that apostrophes are the way forward, but who cares about that – it’s all been decided, as usual, from the top down.


Kyrgyzstan: Venal Barred from Bishkek Vote

13 Oct

13 October 2017

Seasoned election observer Lord Venal is heartbroken after Kyrgyzstan refused him entry to observe Sunday’s upcoming presidential poll.

Atambayev'den Kırgızca açıklaması

In lieu of a photo of President Atambayev gardening we’ve found this pic of him in a very fetching bit of headgear

The Kyrgyz apparently refused entry to the good lord after he had queued for 16 hours on the border in Kazakhstan. They accused the Venal-controlled kazaxia website of a pro-Kazakhstan bias for not publishing any images of incumbent president Almazbek Atambayev honing his horticultural skills in its popular ‘Gardening Dictator’ series.

Kyrgyzstan’s presidential vote is wildly expected to be a two-horse race between Jenny Bekov and Baba Nova that may go to a second round in November.

The green-fingered soon to be ex-president has allegedly said that he will devote himself to gardening after he stands down.

Lenin on the Train

6 Oct

6 October 2017

Welcome to kazaxia’s occasional book club series which will look at titles we think will be of interest to our readers. With the centenary of Russia’s October Revolution fast approaching, we’ve selected Catherine Merridale’s fascinating account of  Lenin’s journey back from exile to the heart of revolutionary Russia in the spring of 1917.


Delving deep into the archives, Merridale meticulously reconstructs Lenin’s journey in April 1917 from neutral Switzerland across the enemy territory of Germany into neutral Sweden and back into the Russian Empire via Finland, at that time an autonomous part of the empire.

Lenin arrived back to a Petrograd, now once again called St Petersburg, in the grip of revolution – the Czar had been deposed in February 1917, and this tale follows his odyssey from obscurity – at the time he was a relatively unknown revolutionary in Russia,  to heading the Bolshevik Revolution that seized control of the Russian Empire in the tumultuous events of October 1917.


Venal Disses Bayrock Smears

5 Oct

Kazakhstan’s President Nazarbayev met his Russian counterpart Vlad Putin recently to discuss the latest developments in the Bayrock scandal on a recent edition of Gardening Dictators’ Question Time.


It is not clear whether Lord Venal featured in their discussions but he has seen fit to publish the following rather chilling communication from the legal firm representing the good Lord.  Kazaxia remains unsure why it is among the recipients, but hastens to publish it in full “for the avoidance of doubt”:

Statement re Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland

For the avoidance of doubt, Shilling and Pence reiterates that its client, Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland, had, has and intends to have no connection, whether business, social or otherwise, with Bayrock Group, Bayrock BV, KazBay BV or any associated companies. Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland similarly had, has and intends to have no connection with Mr V. Khrapunov, Mr I. Khrapunov, Mr F. Sater or any of their relatives or known associates.

Shilling and Pence wish to remind all that any statement, insinuation, implication or hint to the contrary will be pursued to the fullest possible legal extent through the courts under English law in London or in any appropriate jurisdiction anywhere.

Shilling and Pence, London EC4

The Gardening Dictator (part 3)

2 Oct

2 October 2017

Here’s the latest picture in our occasional series ‘The Gardening Dictator’ with Tajikistan’s President Emomali Rahmon visiting an experimental intensive orchard called ‘Leader of the Nation’ in Khatlon province.

президент в Хуросоне


Turkmenistan: President Cleans up at Indoor Melon Games

18 Sep

18 September 2017

The sporting event of the year that the world has been waiting for with bated breath is finally upon us as the Indoor Melon Games opens its doors to the public in Turkmenistan.


Nervous contestants compare their melons ahead of the 100m melon dash               (image taken from:

After years of painstaking preparations, the games, which are thought to have cost in the region of $25 billion, are finally ready for the off. The stadium, built in the shape of an oversized melon, has a seating capacity of 120,000.


A jubilant double-fisting president celebrates after winning the 100m melon dash                     (Igor Sasin / AFP)

Turkmen President Gurbanguly Berdimukhamedov caused an upset in the 100m melon dash when he appeared from nowhere to leave his compatriots, holding a single melon each hand, for dust.

Quite a feat when you consider that he was nestling two melons in his arms.

Venal Disses ‘Azerbaijani Laundromat’ Links

16 Sep

Lord Venal has angrily denied suggestions that he might have been a beneficiary of funds dished out by the “Azerbaijani Laundromat”. (Rather charmingly, it had to be explained to the Good Lord what a laundromat is – as well as why this term has been attached to a country he knows and loves.)

“If being polite and cordial to Azerbaijani gentlemen who ply one with caviar and handwoven rugs is a crime – I plead guilty,” Lord Venal explained. “If accepting the kind hospitality of such gentlemen who invite one to their delightful country, give one a veritable guided tour of their nightclubs where one can meet such charming young ladies, and depart from their country with one’s luggage slightly heavier than when one arrived, I can only say that polite gratitude is the height of manners that my parents taught me to respect.”

Lord Venal rejects insinuations that such hospitality offered him affected the way he presented Azerbaijan’s image around the world. “Azerbaijan is a delightful country, and no one needs to hand over wodges of cash for me to say so!” he snorts. “And the fact that I have – on numerous occasions – made pointed remarks about how beastly and ungentlemanly the Armenians are is wholly unconnected to my frequent visits to Baku. Besides, the Armenians have never ever invited me there.

Lord Venal also wishes to point out how vigorously he has worked to help his good Azerbaijani friends support the economies of a number of Caribbean islands out of their own personal funds. Such financial support can only be especially welcome in these trying times for the Caribbean.