Qazaqstan Election 2019: Venal’s Preliminary Report

3 Jun

With just under a week to go until Qazaqstan goes to the polls to anoint a new president, Lord Venal, head of the Kleptis Observation Cabal (KOC), has shared his preliminary findings on the vote with kazaxia.

A selection of campaign posters in Almaty, Qazaqstan

“The motto of this election has been ‘You can’t run from the truth’ and the truth is that this is Qazaqstan’s most free and fair vote ever. There are seven, I repeat seven, candidates to choose from including a woman,” Venal told kazaxia. “This gives the voters an unprecedented choice. This truly is Qazaqstan standing on the threshold of a glorious new dawn.”

The new president getting some wise advice from some former leaders

There has even been a lively televised debate in which one of the candidates, Sadybek Tugel, railed against “Satan’s places” calling for night clubs, saunas and casino-masinos to be closed down. Lord Venal recalls someone who looked remarkably like Tugel sharing a pitcher or two of Pravda Punch with him in a Nur-Sultan sauna-cum night club a few weeks ago in a KOC sponsored event.

Sadybek Tugel in all his finery

One worry raised by the seasoned election observer is the role of the Communist People’s Party candidate, Zhambyl Akhmetbekov. The representative of the party’s ruling troika, who is hoping to build on the 1.36% of the vote he garnered in 2011, seems to have come under overt Western influence, whilst raging endlessly against the pernicious values of the West. He has fallen under the spell of cult German philosopher Carl Marks and his utopian ideas and has has taken to courting the lucrative Burger King customer-base vote.

Eat Burger King, Vote Communist…

 

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