Tag Archives: Central Asia

Kazakhstan: Tractor Spat Splits Commies

18 Mar

Kazakhstan’s communists have been rocked by a tractor controversy ahead of Sunday’s parliamentary election.

When the Communist People’s Party of Kazakhstan kicked off the election season with an anti-Western stunt little did they expect that it would cause a deep rift in the ranks of the cadres.

An election-themed hoarding in downtown Almaty

An election-themed hoarding in downtown Almaty

Mels Melsovich Melsov, a communist from a long line of communists, was appalled when his comrades used a tractor to crush some old vhs tapes.

“Why should we stoop to using this Western agricultural import – are our hoes and feet not good enough to smash this menace?” Melsov fumed to kazaxia.

Melsov was so incensed that he decided to form his own breakaway party ahead of the election on 20 March.

“My party, the People’s Communist Party of Kazakhstan, represents the true path for the people of our beloved country, not these Western-leaning upstart counter-revolutionaries,” he added, beginning to foam at the mouth.

The stunt was supposed to represent the rejection of decadent western culture and its pernicious influence on people’s minds. Melsov donated a vhs tape from his private collection from the mid-90s – ‘Roxette – Live in Tirana’.

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Is Kazakhstan Mulling a Sisi Bid?

26 Feb

Egypt’s President Sisi has arrived in Astana for a two-day visit and speculation is rife that Kazakhstan may be pondering a bid for the leader who offered to sell himself for the good of Egypt on 24 February.

“If it were possible for me to be sold, I would sell myself,” President Sisi said in a speech on state television.

Immediately, a spoof page appeared on Ebay and bids quickly reached $100,000. The page was subsequently taken down.

“It’s not so unusual that leaders from one country go on to advise other countries – look at Tony Blair and Mikheil Saakashvili,” kazaxia’s politics expert Gary Kefali said today. “But with bidding having already reached $100,000, I think that in the current economic climate, this secondhand leader would be overpriced.”

Kazaxia went down to Carrefour supermarket in Almaty to get the public’s views on this move.

“I think that he [President Sisi] has done a great job in Egypt to ensure stability and unity,” said Nurik, a pensioner doing his weekly shop in the cut-price hypermarket. “$100,001 would be a fair price to bring his expertise to bear on our continued stability here and maybe get these carrots cleaned up.”

President Sisi is thought to be the first Egyptian leader to visit  Astana since Tutankhamun visited in 1325 BC.

 

 

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Kazakhstan: Kairat Face Troublesome Trip to Scotland in Europa League Draw

24 Jun

Almaty’s FC Kairat could face a gruelling 11,000 km roundtrip to Scotland after the draw was made for the Europa League qualifiers on 22 June.

If Kairat can overcome Serbia’s Red Star Belgrade over two legs, then a trip to the land of whisky and deep-fried Mars bars might be on the cards if St Johnstone can beat Armenia’s Aleshkert FC.

Kairat will be following in the footsteps of Shakhter Karagandy who made the trip to Scotland in 2013 to play Glasgow’s Celtic, only to lose 3-0. The result meant the miners lost 3-2 on aggregate. The defeat was blamed on UEFA’s ban on pre-match sheep sacrificing. Shakhter had slaughtered a shaggy black ram ahead of the first leg in Astana.

Almaty taxi driver and Kairat supporter, Samat, was confused when asked by kazaxia about the potential trip to Scotland. “Where’s that then?” he asked. “I’ve heard of England and Holland but what’s this Scotland?”

Many in Kazakhstan confuse what they refer to as the ‘lands’ – England, Holland, Scotland, Ireland, Finland, Poland, Iceland, Switzerland, Swaziland, Thailand and Greenland.

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Kazakhstan: In Praise of the First President

1 Dec

Lord Venal has seen fit to put pen to paper as Kazakhstan prepares to celebrate the Day of the First President on 1 December, the country’s newest public holiday.

President Nursultan Nazarbayev bestrides Kazakhstan like a colossus – his image beams down from billboards on nearly every street corner. The Park of the First President is a fixture of all major towns and cities. Every evening he tops the TV news agenda meeting with dignitaries, opening factories and winning EXPO 2017 bids.

The First President awaits visitors

The First President awaits visitors

Wildly loved by his adoring public – he won 96.5 % of the vote in the last election, The Leader of the Nation, as he is also known, has worked ceaselessly over the last twenty-two years as he has steered the good ship Kazakhstan through turbulent waters to leave the country becalmed in a sea of economic prosperity and political stagnation.

He is one of the world’s longest serving presidents – only a few presidents have kept the throne warmer for longer than the glorious leader – Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe, Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson and arch-rival Islam Karimov in Uzbekistan spring to mind.

Toys_4_NAN

The Nazarbayev University in his fairytale capital city, Astana, proudly carries his name as do a network of Nazarbayev Intellectual schools, which have mushroomed across Kazakhstan in recent years. The day cannot be far off when Nazarbayev kindergartens, fertility clinics and dating agencies will grace the provincial capitals.

I, along with my former cell mate, Jonathan Aitken, the famed hagiographer, who is in Astana to sing the praises of the First President yet again, would like to wish the Leader many happy returns on this the anniversary of the distant day back in 1991 when he won his first election along with the hearts of the Kazakh nation. Long may he reign – Kazakhstan’s very own Superkhan!

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Kazakhstan: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

20 Jan

Kazaxia has received the following contribution from Dr Boris B. Eltway of the Free University of Trans-Dniester Moldavian Republic on the recent election in Kazakhstan.

Kazakhstan has just been to the polls in what many observers are hailing as a major step forward on the long, rocky road to democracy. In the wake of Nur Otan’s crushing victory Astana is soaking up the plaudits for moving from a one-party parliament to a multi-party one with room being made in parliament for two other parties.

But hang on a minute, this is hardly Myanmar or some such place we’re discussing here. The one-party parliament only came about as no other party was able to exceed the seven percent threshold in 2007’s election. In 2004 Kazakhstan had a multi-party parliament with five political forces represented, including an earlier incarnation of Ak Zhol when it was a genuine opposition party, although it only took up its seat after a split in the party. So is this really a step forward?

Now the president’s party Nur Otan is being kept company by the latest model of Ak Zhol and The Communist People’s Party of Kazakhstan (not to be confused with the outlawed Communist Party of Kazakhstan). We have a very cosy little parliament with Ak Zhol a pro-business party, the split-off commies on the left and the center dominated by the party of power. Both the newcomers are pro-presidential – no statements were made in the election campaign to suggest otherwise.

In fact, very few issues were mentioned in the campaign anyway. The elephants in the corner – terrorism and industrial unrest were kept off the agenda and the massacre in Zhanaozen was deftly spun by the state-controlled media as being down to mysterious ‘third forces’ and oil company executives mishandling the situation.

That these two new arrivals are sham opposition parties is not under discussion in Astana – it is enough for the spin doctors and window dressers to merely be able to provide a semblance of a functioning democracy to the outside world.

Real power remains in the hands of one man – no matter how many parties are represented in parliament be they sham or genuine opposition, it remains a toothless, rubber-stamp body that carries out the orders of the executive without question.

The people of Kazakhstan deserve better from their leaders and from their nascent democracy.

 

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Kazakhstan Election 2012: Venal’s View

17 Jan

Kazaxia has received the following contribution from Britain’s Lord Venal, who was recently in Kazakhstan to observe the parliamentary elections.

I’ve just returned to Venal Towers after another successful observation trip to Kazakhstan (kindly subsidised by Kleptys Oil and Gas (KOG)) and I’d like to share my positive feelings that the election has left me with.

First off I’d like to offer my hearty congratulations to Kazakhstan as it enters an exciting new phase of multi-party democracy. The election itself was very well-managed and went off without a hitch in this vast country that straddles both Europe and Asia.

It was an early start on the Sunday as I was ferried to the nearest polling station from my diggings at the splendid Rixos Hotel. Polling was sluggish in the morning session, but that came as no surprise to me as Sundays are always slow to get off the ground in the Venal household. By the time my minder from KOG suggested a spot of lunch at 12.30 turnout was a somewhat low 6.9%.

After a splendid lunch – hospitality is something that Kazakhstan excels at – I was feeling a bit woozy so I retired to my suite for a quick power snooze. By the time I got back to the polling station at 18.30 there had been a surge in voter activity and the turnout stood at an impressive 79.1%.

The last 90 minutes of voting passed by quickly as we cracked open a few bottles of bubbly to celebrate a good day’s work. Then it was off to the KOG post-election party at a secret location where representatives of Kazakhstan’s high and mighty were schmoozed until the early hours.

When one has been observing elections as long as I have, one sometimes thinks that one has seen it all, but this election threw up a few surprises even for me. As I mentioned in my earlier report from the Presidential election last April, Kazakhstan has a splendid tradition of giving presents to senior citizens and first-time voters – take note Britain!

Some other innovations that could well prove popular in Britain included ‘carousel voting’ where the voters are taken by mini bus to different polling stations and ‘family voting‘ where a representative votes for all the family members.

My only regret is that the next elections in Kazakhstan will not be until 2016. But with KOG’s new contacts made at the post-election bash, I’m sure I will be visiting these shores again in the not too distant future.

(Editor’s note: Lord Venal is a contributor to this blog and his views are not necessarily those of Kazaxia) 

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Season’s Greetings from Kazaxia

23 Dec

Kazakh New Year Decorations near the President's residence in Almaty, Kazakhstan

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Happy Birthday Kazakhstan?

16 Dec

Kazakhstan has been celebrating its 20th anniversary of independence today. In the capital Astana, President Nursultan Nazarbayev opened the country’s answer to the Arc de Triomphe in Paris – Infinity Land.

In the commercial capital, Almaty, celebrations were more muted. There were few people on Old Square when Kazaxia went to have a look.

A fairly deserted Old Square in Almaty on Independence day


Trouble was reported in the west of the country in the town of Zhanaozen, which has seen a long-running industrial dispute this past year. Reports of deaths ranging from 5 – 500 remain unconfirmed at the time of publication of this blog.

Vote for Nur Otan!


Meanwhile, the revellers who headed to Old Square in Almaty were greeted by the Leader beaming down from a billboard urging citizens to vote for his Nur Otan party in next January’s parliamentary elections.

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Kazakhstan: Under-tens Hockey Brawl

14 Dec

Ice hockey is a sport that is well-known for fights on the ice, but a recent match in Kazakhstan saw the rough and tumble spread out of control with a group of nine-year olds giving it all they were worth. Click here to see the brutal brawl between the juniors from Burabay and Astana.

Ice hockey is a sport that is growing in popularity in Kazakhstan and pro team Barys Astana competes in the Continental Hockey League (KHL), Eurasia’s answer to North America’s NHL. Barys are currently fourth in the standings for the Eastern conference.

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Kazakhstan: Almaty Winter Escapes (3)

13 Dec

Winter is really on its way now in Almaty, with snow making on and off appearances and New Year decorations springing up. Kazaxia wants to share some of its favourite things to do in and around Almaty to help pass those frosty days and long nights.

Our third tip is the Tabagan leisure complex.

If you’re in need of a longer break from the fumes and noise of Almaty life, then why not consider a visit to this leisure complex located near the village of Gorny Sadovod some 17km from Almaty’s city limits on the road to Talgar. Click here for detailed directions.

A cottage at Tabagan, near Almaty

The complex features a hotel and cottages – accommodation prices vary according to the time of the week and the time of year when you visit.

There’s plenty to keep you occupied with a downhill ski run, complete with a chair lift, a small skating rink, an indoor swimming pool, sledging and horse riding on offer. Look out for the resident reindeer roaming the grounds. Après-ski is provided in the on-site restaurants and bars.

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