Tag Archives: Uzbekistan

GooGoosha update: Hollywood Insider Provides Insight into Gulnara Karimova’s ‘Problems’

13 Mar

The following is a post from Kazaxia partner-in-crime the Spektator.

Gulnara Karimova, daughter of Uzbekistan’s President Islam Karimov has been complaining of a tough life of late, portraying herself as a victim of her father’s police state on Twitter and suffering under house arrest while the powers that be conduct raids on what remains of her business empire and her little sister calls her a bitch. But apparently it has all been an act – literally – the proceedings have all been part of elaborate preparations for Guli: The Film, expected to be released early next year.

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When Googoosha met Gerard … (taken from fergananews.com)

“Gulnara came to us with an enormous budget and informed us she wanted to play the lead role in an autobiographical film called Guli: The Film. The problem was the film didn’t have a storyline,” explained a Hollywood source familiar with the screen play to Kazaxia yesterday.

“We told her that every character worthy of a film has to have an arc. Take Frodo in Lord of the rings, for instance. No-one would want to make a film about a hobbit that just went around routinely extorting bribes from mobile phone companies and stealing restaurants from other hobbits,” the source continued. “A strong lead needs to go from rags to riches or vice-versa. At the time the idea of the film came about Gulnara’s arc was just a flat line of slightly controversial fashion shows, hostile takeovers in the Uzbek economy and oriental-kitsch music videos that no-one seemed to be watching. We needed something to actually happen in her life, so we got in touch with Gulnara’s father, Islam.”

Calling Gulnara, 41, “a great method actress”, the source refused to divulge the plot of Guli: The Film but confirmed that Karimova’s mother, Tatiana, had kindly agreed to play the role of a wicked witch that plans Karimova’s downfall, while Karimova’s personal friend, Gerard Depardieu, is set to play Rustam Inoyatov, the grizzly head of Uzbekistan’s SNB security service. Curiously the source also confirmed that Adam Sandler had auditioned for a role as a foreigner “who gets lost in Tashkent and meets a beautiful Uzbekistani princess”.

The source did admit there had been “some creative differences” between Karimova and the makers of the film. “Gulnara views the story as a high drama but we view it very much as a comedy. We are trying to win her over,” the Hollywood insider disclosed.

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Kazakhstan: Not Like the Other “Stans”?

11 Feb

Following the worldwide media frenzy that resulted from President Nazarbayev’s impromptu remark about changing Kazakhstan’s name to Kazak Yeli/Qazaq Eli, kazaxia has decided to investigate claims that Kazakhstan is essentially different to the other “stans”  and should drop the “stan”  (Editor’s note: What’s wrong with Kazaxia as a new name for the country? ).

Just how different is Kazakhstan to its Central Asian neighbours? Let’s look at some key areas:

Politics – in the political sphere Kazakhstan shares some common ground with Uzbekistan in that it has only had one president since becoming independent from the Soviet Union in 1991. However, it is different to Turkmenistan, which is on its second incumbent, Tajikistan, which is also on number two and Kyrgyzstan, now on number four.

Leader popularity – there is a clear difference here as Kazakhstan is  only one of two “stans” where the president scored more than 95% of the popular vote in the last presidential election. President Nazarbayev was re-elected with a whopping 95.55% of the vote in 2011. Turkmenistan’s President Berdymukhamedov topped that with 97% in 2012 In contrast,  Uzbekistan’s President Karimov got 90.76% in 2007,,  Tajikistan’s President Rahmon received only 86.9% of the vote in 2013 and Kyrgyzstan’s President Atambayev trails in last place with a mere 63.2% in 2011.

Dealing with unsanctioned public protest – kazaxia has spotted some differences in dealing with participants in unsanctioned public protests between Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan. In the most recent cases, four bloggers have been arrested in Kazakhstan – at the time of writing three have been imprisoned, a fourth, Dina Baidildayeva, is on trial on February 12 and could face some time inside. So that makes 75%. In Uzbekistan eight protesters were arrested for holding an illegal rally outside the Ukranian embassy – three were given 15-day jail terms. So that makes 37.5%.

President Nazarbayev, speaking at a meeting with cultural figures, where he was asked about changing the country’s name, in Atyrau on February 6, cited  Mongolia (which, of course,  has no “stan” ) as an example of a country that “foreigners show interest” in. Mongolia is unusual in Central Asian countries in that is an island of freedom in a sea of not-free countries, according to this infographic from Freedom House. 

So, we can conclude that Kazakhstan sure is different form its neighbours, but whether matters will be helped by a name change is up for debate.

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Uzbekistan: Live at the Witch Trials

17 Dec

In scenes reminiscent of the hysteria which gripped Salem, Massachusetts in 1692, Tashkent may see a high-profile witchcraft trial as the bitter dispute between the Karimova sisters takes a sinister new twist.

The younger of President Islam Karimov’s two daughters, Lola Karimova-Tillyaeva, has turned the tables on her older sibling by threatening to take legal action against Gulnara “in connection with the spread of defamatory statements, slander and threats against me and my husband Timur Tillyaev in social networking websites and the media”.

Which one’s the witch?
http://news.fergananews.com/photos/2013/07/gulo.jpg)

It is believed that Lola will submit a petition ot the Tashkent branch of the Department for the Investigation of Sorcery-related Affairs (DISA) to investigate her older sister for suspected sorcery.

DISA’s chief prosecutor, Islomgol Bakanderova, told kazaxia that the trial could see a ducking stool set up on the banks of the Ankor Canal in downtown Tashkent. The accused will then be dipped in the icy water to determine their innocence or guilt.

“If he/she survives then this proves that he/she is in league with Satan,” Bakanderova told kazaxia. “If he/she drowns then she is innocent of the crime of sorcery,” she added.

Human rights groups have slammed the proposed trial as unsatisfactory and have questioned the lack of due process in the proceedings. “The death of the accused is not a satifactory means of ascertaining innocence,” an anonymous source told kazaxia. “This is the 21st century – we shouldn’t be relying on 17th century torture methods to determine innocence or guilt.”

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Mars to Pluck GooGoosha from Goo Goo Muck?

22 Nov

GooGoosha has found herself increasingly in the goo goo muck of late as the end game looks increasingly nigh in the first major battle of the war of succession in Uzbekistan.

With her empire crumbling in recent weeks and criminal cases swirling around her, the singer cum jewellery designer cum diplomat may want to consider alternatives to rotting in an Uzbek jail.

Her options may be limited, though. She’s being pursued in Europe in fraud cases, has issues in Russia over the shutting down of MTS in Uzbekistan. America is not keen  – she has history there involving kidnapping allegations going back to 2002.

But help could be at hand from an unexpected source as Mars announced it would be willing to offer sanctuary to the troubled princess.

The Martian authorities told Kazaxia that on the red planet she would be immune from prosecution and free to continue her singing career and charitable work without interference.

Exile on the red planet may indeed be preferable to spending time in one of her father’s torture complexes such as the horrific Jaslyk prison camp.

 

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Elvis Lives – in Tashkent!

17 Jun

Good news for Central Asia’s Elvis  fans – Tashkent’s Elvis bar has finally reopened its doors.

The bar is decorated with Elvis memorabilia and posters of other iconic Western stars such as Marilyn Monroe and The Beatles. Sadly, the Elvis carpet, which used to adorn the bar’s ceiling, was nowhere to be seen.

On a recent Friday night, a local covers band was playing to a packed house, keeping the torch of rock music aflame in Uzbekistan despite the authorities attempts to counter the dangers of ‘moral degradation’ of the youth.  Western music forms such as Heavy Metal and Rap were criticised as being ‘Satanic music’ created by ‘evil forces’.

You can help keep the flame burning by following the Elvis bar on facebook.

 

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Are Central Asian Leaders Merely Mortal, After All?

23 May

Alarming evidence has appeared over recent months that some Central Asian leaders may, in fact, be merely mortal, despite claims to the contrary, as the leaders of Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan both hit the headlines recently with health scares.

When President Berdymuhkamedov took a tumble from his mount in a horse race in which he won an $11 million prize, he also took a fall from the notion that he was, if not immortal, at least a demi-god.

Rumours of Uzbekistan’s President Karimov suffering a heart attack in March set alarm bells ringing that the long-serving president was, after all, prone to the same fate as we mere mortals. Karimov’s health has long been a subject of debate – a few years ago he was apparently at death’s door with leukemia.

In neighbouring Kazakhstan, President Navarbayev only has to hop on to a plane for rumours to start flying that he is going abroad for major surgery, calling into question his status as a potential demi-god.

In the cases of Karimov and Nazarbayev, both are in their 70s so it’s not really surprising that their respective states of health should be of concern . A doctor, contacted by Kazaxia, confirmed that most likely both, as indeed all the leaders, will one day die if it turns out that  they are not immortal.

As for the others, Kyrgyzstan’s President Atambayev allegedly enjoys getting thoroughly mortal on occasion, which rules him out and Tajikistan’s Rahmon is quite possibly immortal, although he will probably achieve his vicarious immortality through the fruit of his loins as has happened in North Korea, Azerbaijan, and Syria, although, of course, his successor should be wary of how things have panned out for President al-Assad.

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Contrasting Marathon Responses in Central Asia

27 Apr

There have been contrasting responses to the Boston marathon bombings in Central Asia. While Uzbekistan has decided to cancel its marathon, Kazakhstan has decided to press ahead with its event in Almaty on 28 April.

The Almaty marathon will begin with a minute of silence for the Boston victims. The charity marathon is being run for the second year running and it’s expected to attract around 5,000 participants.

Meanwhile in Uzbekistan, the organisers pulled the plug on its race because of unspecified security threats. The marathon was being overseen by organisations close to Gulnara Karimova, the eldest daughter of President Islom Karimov.

Instead, a charity concert will be held – although at the time of writing it was not clear if Gulnara’s alter-ego, GooGoosha would be taking to the stage.

These two reactions show the contrasting natures of the Central Asian neighbours – Uzbekistan always plays up threats to its security and is spooked by terrorism, whereas Kazakhstan seems to be opting for the path of not giving in to terrorists.

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Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!(A Bribe After Midnight)

14 Jan

Uzbek pop sensation, GooGoosha, is set to inflict her latest release on the world. To show her gratitude to the Swedish-Finnish telecoms giant TeliaSonera, accused of paying substantial bribes to associates of the Uzbek pop idol cum designer cum jeweller cum diplomat cum dictator’s daughter to  secure its presence in Uzbekistan, GooGoosha will do a reworking of the old Abba fave Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Bribe After Midnight).

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Uzbekistan: Is Santa Ban Linked to Osh Violence?

19 Dec

Observers have reacted with dismay to the news that Uzbekistan is making moves to outlaw Santa Claus as the authorities in Tashkent call for Santa’s  Russian cousin Ded Moroz to be banned from the nation’s airwaves this festive season.

Kazaxia can exclusively reveal that the ban is not some spur-of-the-moment decision but is linked to a long-running dispute with its neighbour Kyrgyzstan. The Santa spat dates back to 2007 when Kyrgyzstan usurped the North Pole as the ideal base for the global present deliverer to base his operations. Tashkent pointed to a Stalin-era map which showed Santa’s new base to be in Uzbek territory.

The problem worsened when inter-ethnic violence broke out in Osh, Kyrgyzstan in 2010 between ethnic Kyrgyz and ethnic Uzbeks, leaving hundreds dead. Tashkent didn’t react at the time but has now decided to make it’s move by aiming to strangle a valuable foreign currency earner for Bishkek.  Not only are the Kyrgyz coining it in from  Santa Claus – who is  forced to pay an  extortionate rent for the mountain base, but the Russian’s have also got in on the act with a separate base for Ded Moroz, albeit at a much lower rate.

It looks like Santa Claus/Ded Moroz will be giving Uzbekistan a wide-berth this time round, so all that children in the country will have to look forward to is a visit from Evil Uncle Karim, Tashkent’s answer to the traditional present deliverer. Evil Uncle Karim comes with a sinister twist – after descending the chimney he steals the kids’ toys, raids their piggy banks and then drags them off screaming to toil in his cotton fields.

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Uzbekistan: New GooGoosha Song?

23 Nov

Looking at pictures that GooGoosha posted on twitter recently, it looks like she is in not so secret rehearsal to do a cover of Iggy and the Stooges 1969 classic I wanna be your dog.

The pictures show GooGoosha in various yoga poses such as doggy style and it would appear that having conquered the world of vacuous, inane pop with her last hit Round Run, the Uzbek superstar is now targetting the rock genre.

Vintage Iggy in doggy style pose

Kazaxia has thus far received no reply from Iggy after we contacted him about the possibility of duetting with GooGoosha in a rehash one of his most famous moments.

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