Tag Archives: Panama Papers

Make their Money Work Harder with Venal Kleptis Offshore

13 Apr

With the sad demise of Mossack Fonseca’s offshore arrangements following the revelations in the Panama Papers about where the rich and infamous stash their ill-gotten gains, Lord Venal is pleased to announce that he is teaming up with Kleptis Kapital, a North Cyprus-based offshore financial group, to provide bespoke money hiding services.

Security from the prying eyes of the taxman and other assorted busybodies – that is what  the Venal Kleptis Offshore (VKO) fund can offer to canny investors. You’ve spent years avoiding taxes, creaming off money from various sources and laundering it and that is why we want to ensure that their money works the hardest it can for you.

VKO uses the latest encryption security to ensure that your dirty laundry will never be aired in public. Put your trust in VKO and we’ll do the rest to help your savings grow and grow.

Testimonials:

Vlad Rutin (Judo teacher, Russia) “Whilst I have no money myself, I advised my good friend, cellist Serge Doldugin to invest some of his billions in Venal Kleptis Offshore and I’m pleased to say that he has no regrets about this decision.”

Radiga Aliyeva (Singer, Kazakhstan) “Venal Kleptis have some most attractive vehicles for me to stash my late husband’s ill-gotten gains in.”

Dave Cameron (Plumber, UK) “Whether I have now or at any time benefitted from funds invested in VKO is purley a private matter.”

 

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Kazakhstan: The Nomad Will Sail Again

7 Apr

Lord Venal has received this heartfelt, tear-stained appeal by a civic-minded patriot on behalf of a young man in need and commends it to readers’ attention.

On reading the leaked documents from the Panama Papers, I felt – like many – acute pain and sadness over the revelations affecting our beloved homeland Kazakhstan. I was particularly pained to learn about the sufferings of the young man Nurali Aliyev, who has seen his very own yacht cruelly taken away from him. This is a man who, at the tender age of just 4, took on the responsibility of being the president’s grandson. A man who took on the onerous responsibility of running a bank when he was just 22. In addition to his many other tasks he also reluctantly agreed to be deputy akim of Astana though, in grief at his recent devastating loss, has chosen to withdraw into seclusion.

Even recounting the sad tale of his yacht brings tears to my eyes. Although it was purchased in 2008, Nurali was too devoted to his duties to spare even half a day to sail on her. Then, while in transit in the Mediterranean, the modest vessel was grievously damaged in a storm. Without the funds to repair his beloved yacht, Nurali was forced to part with her for just one British pound. With scarcely a tenge to his name, Nurali’s dreams of having a yacht once more died with the enforced sale.

This fine servant of the people has toiled tirelessly for the good of his nation, never seeking publicity for himself but content to remain in the shadows. Will our nation remain indifferent to his suffering? Please give generously (and anonymously) to the fund to replace his stricken yacht. All donations to:

The New Nomad Fund
Samruk-Kazyna (BVI) Ltd.
PO Box 1
Road Town
Tortola

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