Desktops for Despots

28 Sep

28 September 2018

Kleptis Elegant Presidential Desk Ornaments™

Putin

“Mine’s the biggest!”

Important Advisory Notice from Shilling and Pence

It has come to our client’s notice that untrue, fallacious and unsubstantiated rumours are circulating that their unique malachite range of elegant presidential desktop sets, so widely favoured by occupants of presidential office in the Kremlin in Moscow and across the region, somehow conceal listening and monitoring devices designed to eavesdrop on conversation, computer and mobile phone communications.

Jeenbekov.jpg

“Are you sure you want to hand it over?”

Our client absolutely, completely and utterly refutes, rejects and contests these unfounded rumours. They are absolutely without foundation, substance or basis.

Kleptis Elegant Presidential Desk Ornaments™, a company long established in the British Virgin Islands, sells these distinguished ornaments in good faith and solely, completely and utterly for the sole, only and unique aim of providing pleasure to our customers.

Poroshenko

“Mine’s got chocolate inside”

For the avoidance of doubt, anyone considering, contemplating or preparing to repeat such slanderous claims must stop, cease and desist.

Sargsyan

“Can you get me one at least this big?”

Lord Venal of Whissendine in the County of Rutland, while in no way, manner or form connected to the company either directly, indirectly or via any third party, whether financially or otherwise, has also asked us to make absolutely, thoroughly and utterly clear that any repetition of these unfounded, untrue and slanderous claims will be met with a robust legal response, whether in the courts of the British Virgin Islands or any other appropriate jurisdiction.

Shilling and Pence, London EC4

Berdy

(Tracksuit not included)

Lord Venal adds: These elegant malachite sets to grace any presidential desk – adorned with your country’s coat of arms or national flag – are still available exclusively for those of presidential rank. Prices start from $499,000, including shipping and installation.

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